"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
