He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
