Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
