what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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