I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
