but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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