CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
