your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
