...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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