he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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