It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
