3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
