i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
