An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
