I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
