dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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