return my video game
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
