Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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