Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
