she's into porn, im staying here tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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