If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
