I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
