There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
