dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
