I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
