you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
