I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Randomize
