his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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