Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
