You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
