I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
