I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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