Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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