He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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