Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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