I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
