He kissed a someone with a penis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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