kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
