i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
