This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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