how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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