I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
