Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
