Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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