There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
