I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
