Your face is a jimmy john
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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