So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
