Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
