I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
