we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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