So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
